Do opinions of people change after they die?
When someone dies does it change how we feel about them?
Do the things that bug us and irritate us about other people always seem insignificant after they are gone?
I was reminded of this thought when reading Lisa Marie Presley’s blog article on Michael Jackson’s death. Lisa says:
After the Divorce, I spent a few years obsessing about him and what I could have done different, in regret.
Then I spent some angry years at the whole situation.
At some point, I truly became Indifferent, until now.
As I sit here overwhelmed with sadness, reflection and confusion… I am truly, truly gutted. Any ill experience or words I have felt towards him in the past has just died inside of me along with him.
This makes me wonder – why do we tend to drop negative thoughts after someone has died? Is it out of respect that we remember the good things about a person? Or is it that we feel stupid for making a big deal out of insignificant things?
Perhaps our intentions are good in retrospect, eg. “I wish they could come back so I can just apologise for acting so stupid”. If we could actually do this however, reverse time and do things differently, I suspect that pretty soon we would find the same things just as irritating to us…
Here’s a thought – how about when we deal with living people? When getting angry at someone, would it make a difference if we knew the person was not going to be around much longer?
When we truly reflect on ourselves, are we really being honest when we say “I would do things so much differently, if only….”
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June 28th, 2009 at 3:29 am
I think a lot of it is regret and constantly living in denial that we are all mortal no matter how young or old we are.
We had a friend who was diagnosed with brain cancer, and was able to live a fulfilling life up until his death at the age of 50. We had a year to spend time with him, “get over” whatever beef we may have had with him at one point or another and just learn more about him and his life. We knew he would not be around for another 50 years so we had that “advantage”.
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June 28th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
@Carla – Hi there. Yeah I think things are put in perspective a little differently when you know someone has a terminal illness.. Interesting point you make that we are constantly living in denial about our mortality. Thanks for sharing, Carla
June 30th, 2009 at 2:10 am
Complicated questions. Speaking personally, the people I’ve lost have all happened to be people I loved. The main change I’ve noticed over time has been that even though I’ll always miss them, grief has mostly been replaced by a growing appreciation of their influence on me.
June 30th, 2009 at 8:44 am
@Paul Maurice Martin – Hi Paul, thanks for sharing. It’s good to know that there are still things that can make us smile even when overcome by grief. I guess time plays a big part also?