Even though I’d like to be able to put Dale Carnegie’s tips into practice all the time, to be perfectly honest there have been times when I’ve struggled! For example, ‘encourage others to talk about themselves’ sounds great on paper, but is pretty horrific in practice when it means you end up hearing about how Aunt Mertha’s horrible fungating tumour has been leaking again! Just try smiling and listening intently to that conversation for an hour or so…!
Regardless, one of the motivating factors behind my foray into the world of personal growth really did come from reading How to Win Friends - a lot of the points that are made are still valid today (many years after the original book was written!)
I’ve thought a bit lately about what it is exactly that turns me off in people that irritate me. Personally, I think I’m most perterbed when people are particularly self centered and not sensitive to other people. I really think that most of these people have no idea that they act in a way that is particularly irritating to other people, and I’ve certainly been guilty of falling into one of these categories myself from time to time! (I’m often bad with remembering names, for example - something I’m trying to work on!) Here’s a tongue in cheek look at:
Five of the best ways to lose people’s interest, make people hold you in low esteem, and ultimately turn people off!
1. Look right through people. In other words, look around the room and see who else you could be talking to instead of the person you’re communicating to. I’ve spoken on this before - people are very perceptive and if you’re giving out vibes that you’re not interested in talking to the person in front of you, it’s pretty obvious.
2. Complain loudly and often. No one wants to hear someone who whinges and cries about everything! People like to be around other people who are positive, uplifting and optimistic.
3. Forget people’s names. Nothing really shows someone how uninterested you are than forgetting their name, or worse - calling them the wrong name! (I’ve been guilty of not paying attention to people outside of my ‘circle’ at work - the cleaners for instance, why not say good morning to them and call them by name!?)
4. Talk about yourself and your own interests and nothing else. While it’s great to update the whole staff room on how your niece is going at her piano recital, don’t go on and on and on about yourself and neglect everyone else in the room.
5. Belittle people or make them feel small. I know a girl at work who does this constantly, and as a result people avoid her whenever she works. I’ve even seen people take sick leave and swap shifts to get away! The worse cases I’ve seen of this are when people do it publicly and make the person look stupid.
These are things that are always good to remind ourselves of - people deserve more than we sometimes give them! If you’ve never read Dale Carnegie’s book How to Win Friends and Influence People, take some time to check it out…
Are there other particular ‘turn offs’ that you’ve come across? Feel free to comment below.
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Great post and so true. A little early in the morning for the Aunt Mertha story! I especially dislike no. 5, I recently wrote an entire post http://bloggernewbie.com/blog/index.php/2008/09/16/you-made-a-mistake/ about that personality type!
Hi Bloggernewbie. Yeah, I agree! I always cringe when I see someone using terms of endearment to make people look small too, eg “listen sweety…..”
Another way to lose friends and influence no one:
Be an expert in everything!
I worked with a guy a few years ago and really the only thing I remember about him is that no matter what the subject, either he had done it or his uncle had done it or someone close to him “knew a guy” who had done it.
It got to the point where we would make stuff up, just to see if he’d bite, and he pretty much always did.
ha! that’s hilarious… I even have some (cough) relatives who are exactly like that.. gets to the point where you’re pretty skeptical about some of their ‘expertise’
I’m sure gonna lift both arms up (and legs too if I could keep them up) if your gonna ask if we know anyone like that.
I must confess to the forgetting of names almost the second they’re uttered.
Not sure why that happens, as it’s not as if I’m uninterested.
Hmm, feel a “note to self” moment comin’ on…
Yeah I hear where you’re coming from Daniel!
Wayne - thanks for visiting
Another way to lose a friend - Be nice to him on when you need help from him and when he is not needed, you are nowhere to be seen.
LOL
Greetings,
Clement Chee
http://www.The-Excellence-Blog.com
Clement - it’s funny you mentioned that, I hadn’t thought of it! I know plenty of people who have done that back to me - one guy I know only rings up when he wants something, it makes me really suspicious right from the outset!
I agree with 4 out of 5. I am terrible with names. I’ve tried all the tricks like associate something with the person, rhyming their name, etc. I would say it’s my old age, but I’ve always been this way. It certainly doesn’t mean I’m not interested in the person.
I noticed Dales Book in your Google ASdsense Links but this is a perfect place for an Amazon Affiliate Sale BTW good article pretty funny
I’m bad with remembering names too, even the most common names (you can imagine the problems I had while in India). It takes a few times before they stick with me. If there’s a long span between interactions, then I’m really lost.
Pam - lately what has sparked my interest is noticing the people who do remember peoples names - you know the guys you come across who remember everyone’s name?! They actually seem genuinely interested in people… I’m still working on this!
Mike - yeah, I actually really do like the book though - Dale makes some great points!
Lea - I can’t imagine remembering Indian names well, there’s a guy from work who we have to shorten his real name (15 or so letters) down to an abbreviated 3 letters!