Giving up on life
A search string that recently referred someone to this site was the phrase when it’s time to give up on life.
It struck a bit of a chord with me and got me thinking about the question it poses: what do we do if we hit a point so low we are found typing about giving up into a search engine? Maybe some people are not literally at a point of giving up but it’s more a cry of desperation or frustration, a kind of ‘what do I do now!’ situation. So many others however really are feeling like there is no point to life.
Even though I have so much to be thankful for in my own life, it’s certainly not always been completely trouble or pain free – the fact is, we all go through our share of ups and downs in life.
When is it time to give up on life? Is there ever a time?
What can someone do when they feel that the problems they face are so, so overwhelming that life just isn’t worth living?
I wrote a post from personal experience a while back titled the tragedy of amazing success. Basically it’s a quick example of how (contrary to popular belief) ‘having it all’ won’t make you invulnerable to feeling like it’s time to give up on life, and even acting on those feelings.
So when is it time to give up on life?
If you really are feeling like you’ve hit rock bottom, can I suggest you check out what to do if feeling suicidal for Australians, or suicide information for the Americas. Also have a look at resources for depression and other treatable illnesses at family doctor.
My personal feelings? The answer to the question is Never. Absolutely never.
Don’t ever give up on life. Life is a precious gift, and there is so much more to life than your current circumstance. I don’t want to pretend to understand what other people are going through, but sometimes with time our situations change, if only we have faith and never give up.
“Defeat may test you; it need not stop you. If at first you don’t succeed, try another way. For every obstacle there is a solution. Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. The greatest mistake is giving up.”
~anon
Blatantly Honest Responses to ‘Giving Up on Life’ Giving and receiving: a new approach What are you looking for in life? Life’s not about ‘what’s better than’ The heart of life
July 12th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
I have been in and through situations where it feels like being in a bottom of a deep hole where no one knows you’re there and it feels like there is no way out. On way or another, I was able to find my way out of this hole. I used therapy, support, time. Whatever you are going though feels 10x worse when you are alone so having support is huge.
Carla´s last blog ..Financial Prosperity = Planet in destitute?
July 13th, 2009 at 8:21 am
I have experienced a few bottomless pits myself.Support is fantastic but I think it is up to the individual to come to terms with the bad experience and this could take a while.
Talking about it with someone not so close to you, I have found is best and it doesn’t have to be a doctor, always.
July 13th, 2009 at 10:08 am
@Carla – Hi, thanks for sharing.. Support is such an important part of getting through dark times.
@Bunnygotblog – Good point, maybe some people feel easier about talking to a third party or stranger than speaking with relatives etc.
July 17th, 2009 at 3:10 am
Hi Taeran, thanks for this post. I hope it will give more people the opportunity to think about the value of life. I hope more people would share their stories like Carla and bunnygotblog did. I am therapsit myself and I often work with depression and see how support can make a difference.
I enjoy your style. Gilead, London
Gilead´s last blog ..Unknown outcomes
July 17th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
@Gilead – Hi there, thanks for visiting. It’s great to hear words of support, I’m assuming as a therapist you know what you’re talking about
July 23rd, 2009 at 2:09 am
I feel like everyone in the world has their own story to tell. We’ve all hit our lows and highs. It’s hard for me to really understand and feel your story and it works both ways. I believe there’s always a reason to give up on life, but there’s never a time you should consider it.
Life always changes if you want it to. Look at how we viewed life as children and how we see life today. It’s like a completely different world; not because the world changed so much. It’s more of our view of the world changing. Our priorities, values, and perspectives. Most of us in this world are living in a bubble, day in and day out. Work, Eat, Sleep, and Relax. When we were kids, we were curious and we experienced and encounter different scenarios that were unique.
We can start to change “our” lives by simply starting to shape the way we perceive it. Start introducing small changes and keep working at it. You will eventually break free from the bubble and truly understand what life is all about!
Great post! I still find it interesting the terms people search for on search engines. I’ve had my fair share of weird search engine traffic! Keep up the good writing! (=
taney´s last blog ..Guiding Through Change
July 31st, 2009 at 11:28 pm
@Taney – Hi there, thanks for taking the time out to visit & comment.
I totally agree with you that there’s always another option, sometimes we are blinded by our current situations. A good tip as you mention is to do it slowly, with small changes at a time.
Thanks for visiting!
August 26th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
just give up, give in, let go. who cares?
August 27th, 2009 at 12:39 am
Apparently YOU don’t, blah… Care to elaborate?
September 13th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Every person I’ve ever been in a relationship with has given up on life. Its very frustrating.I know that I have severe depression, but haven’t ever given up, I always try and find a reason to motivate myself. I hope to one day find happiness somehow, and I choose not to give up, or give in to addiction.
September 14th, 2009 at 3:02 am
Hi Beram04, thanks for sharing.
I can’t imagine how frustrating it must feel to be in your situation. I’m pleased to hear that despite all you’ve been through you’re still hanging in there.
maybe consider giving this a go.
All the best
November 27th, 2009 at 3:36 am
I am just lost myself, and it’s easier to talk to a third person sometimes than someone close to you… often the people closest provide numerous lectures instead of just listening and being there.
As I write this tears are flowing, and I am once again disappointed that my trust has been betrayed, and people can love and cheat so easily… and lie, how smoothly they lied. I know life will get better, I am strong enough but right now everything hurts, the words he said hurt… disappointing after 9 months he understood me so little and shed his own guilt on me.
November 27th, 2009 at 8:01 am
Hi Pam, thanks for visiting & taking the time to share.
So sorry to hear that things are not going well for you at the moment. What you’ve shared is another reminder to me, and others, that people will always be… people. Meaning, there are times in our lives where people will let us down & disappoint us, despite best intentions.
I trust that you’ll find strength in the knowledge that you CAN get through this, and that life has so much more to offer.
All the best
November 30th, 2009 at 10:41 pm
I dont know if you will believe. I searched exactly with the words giving up. Life takes its turns. I have a very stressful time.Though I am a doctor, to be on the other side of the table is a totally different feeling.My daughter has been seriously ill,and as you said,it changes your attitudes towards life.Sometimes,all said and done,it is difficult to go forwards.I cant find reasons why such things happen in life.It is such a sad thing that your child is ill,and you sit and watch. Helpless,frustration..what not.I know sometimes things happen for a reason,but other times,I cant find any.
Now I fully understand the anxiety and stress of the family of those who come to me.I could never understand it if I hadnt passed through my present situations.May be,that is the purpose. May be,life wants to teach me something. It probably wants me to be a better physician,who understands the feeling of others.
Antony´s last blog ..Human rights or terrorist rights?
December 10th, 2009 at 9:47 am
Giving up seems to be by words for me and I have always rebounded,but the end is near and closing fast. I got diagonosed with a cancerous tumor 12 years ago, did the chemo and radiation, and then the life changing therapy. So I survived my fit of depression then but still wear the bag to remind me. Then came a dying liver that I have been dealing with, done all the right things to stay on the transplant list. (Ha) sitting here with the letter of removing me from the list sitting next to the keyboard. Why, not because I gave up, but rather now I have been diagnosed with cancer of the liver. So I spent my time again expanding my understanding of all the paticulars of the disease. What I got for all this is the biopsy which I am waiting to be scheduled for, three simple words. I give up. Tom
December 10th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
[...] few months back I wrote a post titled Giving Up on Life as a response to a search string that someone had used to visit here: “when it’s time to [...]
December 12th, 2009 at 10:30 am
Antony & Tom – Thanks for posting, I’ve replied (sort of) in this post: Honest Responses to Giving Up On Life
February 11th, 2010 at 10:30 am
Tom, It is horrible what you have endured. It makes life look so much better for all the other post. Read my site It may give you some enlightenment it the midst of the storm.
http://sites.google.com/site/howtofindgodnow/
February 27th, 2010 at 2:34 am
well. tbh this is for some of the teen’s outthere. i’m 16 year’s old. ive had MANY bumps in my life. even a few hills to climb over. idk what ur going trough. but ive been ina pit or ina hole serveral times. layed around depressed. didn’t wanna go to school. i guess my reason was i didn’t really have a reason to live anymore because i didn’t want one. i just gave up. and came close to suicide. i have serveral pictures of my arms being scard, or blood on them from cutting trying to deal with the pain. after awhile. you really only have 2 options. 1 give up on life. and end it. i don’t reccomend that one, or two. find a way out of the hole. like i did. if you can find a reason in your life to live. i promise its all worth it. yea. you going to have more holes, more bumps, and hills to cross. but in the end. its all worth it.
April 21st, 2010 at 5:40 am
yo, you can still give up on life without being suicidal.
Trust me, I know. I have a daughter. I have everything to live for. But I live on feeling like I live for nothing.
April 22nd, 2010 at 1:32 pm
Im not sure how to start this in fact ive erased my beginning 3 times now so im just going to type it. Ive given up, yeah I may not have the worst life but well its not about who does. I gave up a long time ago and i walk through my life like a zombie now. I’m not always depressed, like when my friends are around I can talk to them and mess around but its all just for show. You see i have never believed in an afterlife so there is nothing for me there and I know its just a matter of time before i’m gone. Hell the only reason I even get up in the morning anymore is becuse i dont want to let anyone down. I’ve always been the shoulder to cry on or someone who will listen to them and give advice. I’ve always been the guardian but after all the arguments and hits i’ve taken and all the horrible people ive seen. I just cant keep up my determination to go on but I cant drive my self to just stop. So ive trudged on nothing more than a empty suit of shiny armor.Im always thinking if you protect them who will protect you and my only answer is I guess i’ll have to be strong enough to take what im going to be hit with. I just wish for once that i wasn’t needed anymore I’m tired and beaten. I just wish that someone else would take up my shield and protect them for me so i could rest. I just wish someone could do for me what i do for others but they cant becuse no one knows That I need it and Im not strong enough to show the cracks in my armor. If you dont read or reply to my post thats fine I’m writing this more because I need to get it all out. Thanks for this site.
July 7th, 2010 at 6:33 am
Korey-
I understand completly how you feel. I spent time worrin about myself, I was never “happy” so I took care of “boyfriends, and family” they just took advantage of me. i was their for them to vent, as financially helpful for them as I could have been, but when I needed the shoulder to cry on, and ear to listen to me, or just a hug no one was their. When I’m sick no one is their to help me, to take care of me, just to push me out of bed, or off the couch to cook, clean, or do something for them. I have no urge to comit suicide, just to be left alone. I go to work, and do what I have to. It’s all of these empty promises. I just want to finish my final semester in college, at 29, so I can be financialy stable, adn loose one load, then the family load. I used to Love being around people, and helping, but I have been burned to many times to even care any more.
July 7th, 2010 at 9:54 am
Korey and Lindsay.
You both remind me so much of how I actually feel all the time. I am tired and ready to go somewhere. Just not here any longer.
Thank you for your postings.
July 19th, 2010 at 8:27 am
Ok obviousley despret to even concider finding hope to the darkest place I feel Ive ever been just by asking google what to do when you give up on life! Really what I meant was ‘what to do0 when life and fate through you chances and you make mistakes nout of fear and vulerability and instead of embraceing li8fe you find yourself missing an oppoutunity and lying on the floor riddled with regret and conumed with self blame knowing you had the world at your fingertips. Completly affraid that you will always regret this time in your life woundering what if.
At 21 Iost my first love it was a car crash it was ugly I had nothing an know one but I knew myself better than I could have ever imagined and powered thrugh with a strength which changed ky who life. I build every inch of my world solid. Derailed, therapy, self help & development booked, networked went out constantly brough friends together, went on holidays, plughed into work built myself a carear briugh my own new build appartment at 23 found an amazing carear the dream job and I
July 19th, 2010 at 8:52 am
still completly love. Found my family and adore them. I tried every new thing I wanted explored every inch of my soul until I felt whole all by myself. I trusted myself I thought I knew myself inside out. My sister and frinds looked up to me I was the sensible girl with her bhead screwed on!! The person people came to for advise. I met a guy at 23 who I liked a lot I dated many guys at 21 but never persued anything at 23 I had a fun summer I was honest with him up front I couldnt get seriouse he wanted to get married – but he wasnt my first love it wasnt love I let him go he married. I always felt loveless was open but always disapointed. I was the girl who always liked to tease but wuld never take the plunge because no one was anything like my first. For 2 years I didnt date or anything it felt good I felt powerful I was in control of my happyness. At 25 I had the best year of my life I did things for me and for the first year since 21 I felt free, settled in my home, my alone time was a gift I felt no need to go out I loved the simplemthings being with my friends and family what ever they had I was happy for tyhem but Inever once felt alone or unhappy or like somthing was missing. Sure I thought of love I thught one day I dont make then rules weell just see. I met a guy end of oct stayed till end of jan this year I played the game as you do I didnt tell anyone – let himmchase test call, even if I ws freaking out inside I never told him I showed only the best of me. After 3 months I said I needed mo0re contact I needed to know I was building on somthing I needed assurence this wasnt just a booty call he couldnt give me any assurences simple as a regular phone call so I left I felt fine I was happy with how I handles it I thught tyo myself I am ready for this. So Feb2010 with Mars in Leo till June, a massie Zodiac T- Zone in then best place I had ever been i9n my life at 25 with freinds, family, self knowledge, own home carear car and love I signed to match.com with the idea to ‘MAKE LOVE HAPPEN’. I truley believe when you are in the best place life brings great things to you and it did. I had 6 dates each guy I mailed messged me back it felt so easy I was like I should have tried this ages ago! I met a romanic soulful guy and clicked in conversation from the start he scared me because he said and did all of the right things but instead of taking things slow I pushed too hard I was so affraid of being hurt of taking that risk I was like I want it all or nothing. I was justbtoo honest – Id decided in my head to see him alone by our 4th date and to cancel another date with a guy id been speking to for a few weeks I just didnt need to tell hm mthat it changed everything he thught we were just seeing eachother and thats all I ever wanted as well I dont know what I was thinking!! Its somthing Id have never hae done in the real world match brought out a side to me I dont like I was like I can pick and choose I want somthing nreal so before I let an option slide I have to know if your for real… It doesnt sound so bad but for a guy whoes pulling out all of the stops I didnt realise it would make me seem arrogant, make him feel insecuere, li9ke oh now Im not sure would I choose her over others, he already told me he could be jelouse hed given me all then assurences I culd need I just had to push the extra button!! We still carried on for 2 months after that but t was never the same I hadnt got the response I was looking for so I freaked I became insecure vulnerable needy reading into every missed call or text. I notice on reflection a few occasions when he wanted assurence from me I was only seeing him nand I dint give it I was blind to it. I Yelled at him like why dont you ever respond to my calls and texts when it had never bothared me before. I was off that pedastal the tabels had turned and in the process
July 19th, 2010 at 9:27 am
I fell in love pulled myself apart al rational went out of the window and that sensible independant lady I had woeked so hard to find the sweet girl he first met comppetly vanished…. I asked so many people they were all like hes insescure youve done nothing wrong blar blar blar I was so out of tune with myself I listened to them Id feel ok and then feel awaful and I should have known that if I felt the need to ask so many people that In needed to talk to him!! Instead we broke it off because he was like you want to get seriouse I like you but like I said I was engaged for 3 years it ended last year its taken a year to get to here thisis heavy and I cant give you the assurences you need. Deversated isnt the word I dragged that out of him then left him at the station. He sent a pleading text saying cal me back when you get home… I didnt… he still tested and called I didnt respond. Then I spiralled into crazy tests and emails mad at him trying to work out why what happened into a complete mess until it hit me… you did this it was flow9ng it5 was picture perefect he was right there saying and doing all of the right things Id waited 4years for a guy to do that I though I could never love again and I didnt realise why id gotten myself so worked up and then it hit me this is the same as at 21 this is heartbreak shit!!! And worser still this is regret!!! Regaret that I stumpt the growth when things were flowing, regret I even spoke to then other guy when I new this guy wasnt, Regret I hurt thenother vguy breaking it off after 4 weeks he was hurt at me, Regret that I never just explained myself like its nothing just a few dates nothing more, Regret that after agreeing to carry on I didnt just continue to be myself and show he the lady all of my friedns knew the nlady he first me, How a simple explenation and assurence conversation can feel so easy now and yet in the situation I couldnt see it, Regret for not testing the waters some more holdijg back as I always had done and for allowing myself to fall ridicukously in Love when the pain was not at all worth the sacrific for a 3 month thing at all !!! Regert for not calling him back that night for the calls the texts the emails I never thought I could do that to mmyself I didnt realise what I was doing or what I was giving away. Without them I may have just salvaged somthing!!! I gave away my pride my dignity my strength nand eveything Id stood for for the past 4years!!! No guy or girl would respect me tyhen way I acted!!! I alienated my friends my family, felt ashamed to be in my home I was like the girl who has this amazing life appartment and carear does not do this so I camped out at family homes for 3 weeks rejected my appartment. Lost a stone and ahalf in June, slept a lot, suffered panic attacks with regret like how could you do this to yoirself, fled my job for a week to turkey last minuet which I have never done ever I love my job toom much but I just could not stop crying. Whilst there I laid on a bed wishing to pass in sleep because at 21 I could say I was nieve I could say I didnt know any better but at 25 I was supposed to have it all together. I couldnt believe Id dared to ask for more when I had so much already and was in the best place I had ever been really enjoying life and loving myself. I couldnt beliebe where Id stared in February and where I had fallen to in june laying in the dark cursing myself telling myself I was a bad person had slapped fate in the face and set myself back years! I headed for thearpy when I got home somthingelse I hadnt done since 21. I saw the guy Id cancel the date with new it was wrong told him the ntruth to experiment and see if someone realy wants you will they want you anyway, he does but I notice that same resentment and being knocked from the pedastal. Im like you cant learn first time round you have to do again. I tried to date again ended up have rebund on a first date which seemed a real good idea tyhen I was like what are you doing other than carrying on then cycle of sabotage Id proded myself on never being that kind of girl!!! Im back at work now its the only place my life feels real but inside I feel complettly broken and shattared like nothing matters anymore and I hate it I hate it all it doesnt belong in my life I just want to cut it out. It took 4 years to feel whole and I pulled it apart in just a few short months and that beatutiful young girl with eveything I let her down I completly diminished her and Im still letting her down everyday that I continue this but I cant stop eveyday I crash at some point and I hate that I have given her this emotiona hurdle to comprehend because I know all to well you cant just flick a switch and you can feel empty for a long time. At 21 it was obviuse what to do – I had a whole world to change and grow. At 25 Ive done all of those things and its like this is too nhard I dont want to get up I dont want to do this nagain Ive done it all already there is no compensation for this… I have never fallen down so hard and not been able to get back up again and I just want to cry when I think of what Ive done to myself……. I cannot help myself Im spiralling and Im loosing and yet I have so much… Ive never been so surrounded with blessings and people and felt soempty and that just makes me feel even mire opf a worce person….