Fear is crazy cool. Crazy because it forces you to do some crazy stuff that can be pretty embarrassing later on; cool because it can save your life.

The key is finding a balance so that your natural responses to fear are justified and managed.  (Note - screaming and leaping on the table when a cockroach runs by is probably neither justified or managed).

I have many memories of my time at university - tute’s that went good or bad, lecturers with particular odd habbits, ‘catch phrases’ of particular teachers, the uni club (yeah!)…  I have one particular memory that even today makes me feel embarrassed when I think about it, and you guessed it - it involves public speaking.

credit: skye underwater

We had a tute class of 30 or so people in it (maybe even less, but it seemed like a lot!) and were discussing a particular topic (something science related like body systems, from memory).  When we got to the end of the class, the tutor raised some topics that he wanted to discuss the following week.  He selected two people at random, and I was one of them, to research and present a quick 5 minute talk on 2 of the different issues we would be talking about the following week. (Addit: I frequently get selected in ‘random’ selections - I’m sure it’s because I’m tall!  Coughing or looking out the window or looking down in you lap doesn’t seem to help with rates of selection, either!).

So I got my topic - I think it was on pulmonary embolisms… or maybe just embolisms in general, because I remember dribbling on about the embolus flying here there and everywhere and sometimes ending up in your brain (I really didn’t know what I was talking about back then!)

I researched it a couple of nights before the following week’s tute, and wrote up about 2 pages of notes, although (contrary to previous presentations I had done) it was written out in longhand, word for word (not point form).  Let me just add that pretty much up to this point in my life, I had been quite fearless.  By this, I mean I had not had any major embarrassments, I had handled on stage performances or public speaking assignments with nothing more than the usual minor pre game anticipation.

So I rolled up to the tute the following week, and we did the whole class, and I was thinking ‘great! no topic for me’.  Then in the dying minutes of the class, I heard the dreaded words - “Oh yeah, we have some people to present some topics!”.  So just as luck would have it, the other person that was chosen claimed they had forgotten all about it, and the tutor looked over to me: “have you got yours ready?”.  Here I had an easy out, a simple ‘ahhh sorry!’ may have saved me from a defining moment in my life - a memory and some pre-conditioning that has lasted 10 years after uni finished!  “Yep, I’ve done it” (partly because I wanted to show that I was on top of things from an academic point of view, partly because I wanted to show the other person up that had forgotten).

credit: Shaylor

So I started reading from the top of my page - “An embolism is an obstruction in a blood vessel due to a blood clot or other foreign matter…..”  I was doing really well for the first two sentences… Then something strange started to happen (the ‘crazy’ part of fear I was eluding to earlier)  As I began to read, the noise level in the class dropped off dramatically.  Within a minute or two, it was so quiet you could hear me swallow!  (I’m still not sure if that was because I was a pretty quiet guy at that stage of my life & people were surprised to hear me talking, or if it was because my talk was so riveting - it probably was the former, but from time to time I fool myself into thinking it was the latter!).  As the class became completely silent, I started thinking more about that, and less about what I was reading  A quick flick of my eyes to the class then back to my notes revealed people had shifted their chairs so all eyes were on me.  Then I was thinking to myself about how everyone was watching me, and how everyone was deathly silent.  I started to become self-conscious and was having trouble reading now - first I misread a word and had to repeat it, then my voice started to get a little croaky.

At this point things really snowballed - the combination of reading word for word with my head down, all eyes on me, quiet class and croaky voice flung me into the ultimate disastrous 5 minute speech of my life (seriously, how ridiculous does that last sentence sound - but it’s true!).  I had all the classic responses to a full blown episode at that point - my heart rate cranked up to 200bpm, I tensed up & completely lost focus on reading my lines, my palms were sweating profusely, my croaky voice got a lot worse to the point I was having trouble speaking (my mouth was also dry), and (the worst part?) I could feel my face getting redder and redder.  If I thought the class was quiet before, I now realised that they had become even quieter.

I bottomed out.  Fight or flight kicked in, and I seriously contemplated grabbing my books and bolting out the door.  Maybe if I’d been closer to the door, I would have taken that option, but unfortunately I was on the opposite side of the classroom.  To my credit (finally, something good to say about this horrible memory?!) I stuck it out, struggled for 3 or 4 minutes (probably 20 seconds in reality!) and forced myself to say the next words I saw on the paper out loud.

After I got through the first page and flipped it over, I had pushed through my horrible episode and something changed.  I became more confident and all my fear symptoms started to disappear.  I could feel my face returning to normal, my voice became stronger, and my muscles relaxed.  By the end of the talk, I truly felt like I could go on all day now that it wasn’t humanly possible to embarrass myself any more!

Regardless, I still left the tute that day with my head down (I’m sure some of my ‘facts’ were wrong also, and people were just too kind to call out my errors because of my ‘event’!). This experience created a strong negative memory that I have retained to this day, and for quite some time it caused me to avoid speaking events with vigour!

I’ve often thought back about this experience.  It’s so ridiculous it makes me angry!  Why should I be concerned with what other people think of me?  Why was I so self-conscious, and why did I react as if I was being threatened with a gun!?  I’ve happy to say that I’ve had many good speaking experiences since that time, and it probably was a good motivator to be more prepared before public speaking.

So, retrospectively, here’s some thoughts about that day…. (the day from hell argh!):

credit: spaceodissey

- I wasn’t really well prepared -  I had written down two pages of material, but I hadn’t rehearsed and I wasn’t sure of the accuracy of my information.

- I didn’t have key points written out or thought out - I was relying solely on my ability to read words from a piece of paper.

- I didn’t grasp the concept of rational vs irrational fear, or the fact that a little apprehension is normal but a full blown fear response was not warranted.

- I hadn’t played the scene out in my mind before hand, therefore I was struck with some ‘unexpected events’ while I was talking.  The class went quiet (I should have expected that), and people turned their chairs to face me - insignificant things really, but all contributed to me suffering!

So what could I have done back then, and what practices have I adopted now that have helped me on the road to never doing that again?! Could I have completely avoided that situation occurring like it did, or was it just related to my personality back than? I’ll never know for sure exactly how the outcome would have changed if I had approached the situation differently back then, but I know for sure my future speeches have gone a lot better after adopting some basic tips on public speaking and fear!

Here are some great tips from “Shyness and Social Anxiety Australia”:

• Remember that it is normal to experience some degree of anxiety when engaging in public speaking and that a certain amount of arousal actually facilitates performance.
• Rehearse your speech or presentation.. Should you be concerned about your mannerisms, eye contact and so forth, practice giving your speech in front of a mirror or get someone to videotape your performance.
• Should you be worried that your anxiety will lead to your mind going blank, write down the key points of your talk on palm cards and take them with you, so you will have something to trigger your memory.
• Don’t panic and don’t get argumentative or defensive if someone in the audience asks you a question you can’t answer, or makes a critical comment. This situation can be handled smoothly and with minimum disruption to your presentation if you pay the person a genuine compliment.

Also, C|net news and Act now have some great ideas regarding why public speaking ranks so high on the most feared list, and tips on how to improve this skill.

And regarding fear itself?  Heck, fear is crazy cool… Here’s some great articles on How fear works from HowStuffWorks.com - they have some great info on fear, and help put things into perspective regarding why humans have this crazy fear response!

And a parting quote to sum up?

“So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.”