credit: Roel van der Ven

A girl at work recently changed her hair style from straight, tied back long blond hair, to a kind of shaggy, permed, half mullet looking thing.  To say it wasn’t flattering would be an understatement - I even did a kind of half recoil / double take when I first saw her!

I managed to stammer something like, “oh I hardly recognised you!”, which launched her into specifics of how she needed a change and tried something new etc.  I basically nodded and smiled, but was amazed when I watched most of the girls in the office tell her how fantastic it looked, and how much it suited her!  I even started thinking “are you guys looking at the same hair that I am?!?”

I’ve come across this many many times before with girls though - it seems to be that there’s some unwritten code about complimenting looks and styles even if you don’t like it!  Often times later the same person who is dishing out compliments will say to me in private “gosh she looks aweful!”  Maybe it’s because girls are naturally more sensitive to each other’s feelings, where guys tend to be much more blunt with each other, eg “what happened to your head, dude?”.  Anyway, the girl seemed to have a great day & was beaming all day long, which was good!

It really got me thinking about compliments and the value of compliments.  I’ve certainly been guilty in the past of appreciating someone or something they have done, but not actually commenting on it or telling the person.  Why is it that it’s not natural, and sometimes difficult to tell someone how much we appreciate them?

credit: tomsaint11

I was at a function a couple weeks ago where I overheard some people talking about me.  I didn’t hear the whole conversation (and wasn’t intentionally eavesdropping!) but the part that I heard was just a quick throw away comment, something along the lines of “he’s really good with that kind of thing…”

I knew they were talking about me (because they named me) and it made me feel really good, and probably had even more of an impact than when people directly give me feedback about things.  Sometimes when people say things to your face (like “gee I love your hair!”) you have a tendency to wonder whether or not the person is genuine or has a hidden agenda.  In this case I knew that they were genuine in what they were saying because they were talking to each other, and it really impressed upon me the value of compliments.

Compliments make people feel good!  They will make you feel good too, because you have taken the time to tell someone you appreciate them when you really do!  If your life is a little hum drum and you want people to like you more, or if you just want to enjoy life more and make someone happy - start with some positive compliments.  Here’s a few great tips to remember:

credit: Jill Greenseth

• Be genuine with your compliments - have you ever found out (via a third party) about someone not liking something of yours, or the way you do something after they complimented you on it?  It’s horrible!  It makes you feel stupid, and you become more skeptical when other people compliment you!  Be genuine with your compliments, really mean them. 
• Compliment more often - if you’re like me and really only compliment people rather infrequently, try to step it up a bit this week.  It’s great on so many levels - you can improve your relationships, improve your own self esteem and communication skills and make someone else feel great! Remember to stay true to being genuine also, don’t throw out compliments that are insincere.
• Be sensitive to other people - some people don’t like being singled out in public, other people love it - when you give genuine compliments to someone, make sure you do it in a way that makes them feel good rather than embarrassed.  Be sensitive to the individuality of people.

For further reading, see how to compliment people or read John Maxwell’s highly regarded book 25 ways to win with people.

Want to comment? Please do so!
Enjoy your week!