There are certain responsibilities that come with being the ‘man of the house’.

Many of these are routine things: being the primary or joint earner, being Mr. fix-it, doing the heavy lifting, checking the car oil, doing the mowing etc…

credit: SubDirection

A man is also expected to compliment or be a buffer to others in the household - having a second opinion to that of his spouse, someone who is consistent with rules & an upholder of values.

Where we allow some emotional leeway for women at times, the same cannot always be said of men - there is a general expectation that the man will not crumble into a heap at the slightest pressure (I’m not suggesting that women do, either!)

Generally speaking, men are often expected to:

• be able to cope with stressful situations
• be able to look like they are in control and know what they are doing
• be the ‘rock’ or unwavering one of the family
• be a problem solver
• command authority from the kids and have general respect within the family

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that women and children have it easy, I’m simply stating that there are many unspoken pre-conceived ideas of the male figure.  Men play their part and mostly follow along with these expectations, and because of this it can mean that a man has a difficult time expressing himself emotionally, or having an outlet during times of pressure or difficulty coping.

Men Get Depressed!

The truth is, (shhh not too loudly) - men can get depressed!  As infallible as they seem (I know, it’s true!), men can really struggle at times.  Sometimes it’s for minor reasons like boredom or age.  Other times it’s for things like feeling unfulfilled at work, coming to terms with not realizing childhood dreams, or money matters.

Symptoms of Depression

Some of the symptoms of depression include:

• Persistent sad, anxious or empty mood
• Feeling of hopelessness, pessimism
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
• Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed
• Decreased energy, fatigue, being ’slowed down’
• Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
• Trouble sleeping, early-morning awakening or oversleeping
• Appetite and/or weight changes
• Thoughts of death or suicide
• Restlessness, irritability
• Persistent physical symptoms, such as headaches, digestive disorders and chronic pain which does not respond to routing treatment (source: National Institute of Mental Health http://www.nimh.nih.gov)

What to do about depression?

credit: Heart Industry

So, if you are a guy who has been feeling some of these symptoms recently, sometimes it’s hard to know what to do.  There is certainly an element of pride that comes with being a male - it’s hard not to feel like you are being weak or showing weakness by admitting some of these feelings.  You should know that you are not alone in feeling this way - in fact, it’s been estimated that annually depression affects 7-12% of men.  In the US alone this equates to more than 6 million men!

The first thing you need to do is acknowledge the fact that you are feeling this way.  Don’t pretend that everything is fine - if you are experiencing symptoms that might suggest you are depressed, do something about it!  Ignoring it or trying to cope with it on your own can make things even more stressful or hopeless.

Seek some help!  Yes, this can be hard to do.  I’m as bad as any guy when it comes to asking for help! However, your family and loved ones need you, and you need yourself to be in good shape.  This means physically, emotionally, spiritually - don’t ignore signs that you need help in your life.

There are many ways to get started with tackling depression, the first thing is to talk to someone about it.  If you’re not comfortable talking with your spouse or family, start with your GP who can give you some recommendations and treatment or send you to a specialist.  There are many treatments that can help a lot with depression - sometimes this involved medication, other times it’s about management and knowing what to do when symptoms occur.

Most communities have other outlets such as mental health specialists, family clinics or other health avenues where you can get started with talking to someone.  Look in your phone book / online directory or see your GP to find out the best people to talk to near you. Check out Depression.com for more info, or men and depression for some available resources.

The important thing is don’t delay - realise you need help and do something about it.

Go on, be a man.