Will It Change You? » Personal Growth

Pay It Forward

Ross — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 14:10:44 +0000

A few years ago I watched Pay It Forward, a movie from the year 2000 based on the novel by Catherine Ryan Hyde.

While the movie probably could have been improved upon in it’s delivery of the theme, the concept of paying it forward is really intriguing.

The basic premise of the movie is as follows:

An 11-year-old schoolboy in Las Vegas, Nevada named Trevor McKinney (Haley Joel Osment) is given a class project to complete by his social studies teacher, a man with terrible burn scars on his face and neck. His task is to come up with a plan that will change the world through direct action.

On his way home from school later that day, Trevor notices a homeless man, and decides to make a difference in his life. Trevor then comes up with the plan to “pay it forward” by doing a good deed for three people who must in turn each do good deeds for three other people, creating a charitable pyramid scheme. (Wikipedia)

I don’t wish want to be unrealistic about this concept, or find recruits for the “together we can change the world!” foundation, but here’s what I love about paying it forward: it’s all about taking action rather than talking about doing good things.

There’s a whole heap of things we can do to pay it forward in the real world. This week I was so excited to receive (out of the blue) some Gloria Jeans coffee gift vouchers in the mail from a family member.

How can we pay it forward?

Just off the top of my head, here’s a couple ideas:

Buy someone lunch
Give someone some movie tickets
Wash a car (that’s not yours!)
Buy Eric Hamm & Leo Babauta’s new Motivation Handbook
Give someone a massage (ooh la la!)
Cook up a storm in the kitchen (3min noodles don’t count)
Take the Smile-Therapy Challenge!
Give away some free advertising on your website

Any other suggestions?

Let me ask you: Has anyone done something remarkable for you recently?
More importantly, what have you done this week to Pay It Forward?

Does integrity count for anything?

Ross — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 02:53:48 +0000

credit: Vincepal

I’ve often thought of integrity in fairly broad terms.
“Doing what is right” for instance, or “having high moral standards”. On reflection, I guess it is and it isn’t.

Let me ask you this – is integrity important in your life?

How high does it rank?

When you think of the concept of integrity, do you think it has more to do with being true to your word? Or is it more about having high personal standards regardless of what other people see or hear you do?

“Integrity may be seen as the quality of having a sense of honesty and truthfulness in regard to the motivations for one’s actions.”

~ Wikipedia

Integrity is an interesting concept. When I think of my own life, I’d like to think that I live a life of integrity. But I know that I don’t hit the mark 100% of the time.

An article featured on the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy page elaborates a little on the complexity of integrity as a concept, saying:

Integrity is one of the most important and oft-cited of virtue terms. It is also perhaps the most puzzling.

For example, while it is sometimes used virtually synonymously with ‘moral,’ we also at times distinguish acting morally from acting with integrity. Persons of integrity may in fact act immorally—though they would usually not know they are acting immorally.

Thus one may acknowledge a person to have integrity even though that person may hold importantly mistaken moral views.

So what is integrity, really?

Is it important, or even necessary? And if so, why??

While integrity can be distinguished from morality as seen in the quote above, I’d like to think that at the very least, integrity and morality go hand in hand.

What is integrity?

Integrity by definition is:

The quality or state of being of sound moral principle; uprightness, honesty, and sincerity
~ YourDictionary

Integrity means walking the talk when it comes to living one’s true values – being authentic.

~ Peter Vajda

So really, it’s about being honest… upright… sincere in our intentions, and maintaining firm adherence to our values and beliefs. Staying incorruptible, sound, complete and honest. Walking the talk, practicing what you preach…. Phew! Sounds tough!

credit: JustinLowery.com

Why should we bother living a life of integrity?

So what’s the point anyway? I mean, isn’t it enough to have good values – most people don’t steal from other people after all… Most people have fairly good intentions, don’t they?

For me personally, I guess I have to break up the concept of integrity up a little – consider what things I’m doing right in life, think about what I’m doing wrong and and then make the decision to work harder on some areas.

Let me give you a snippet of a self-assessment tool from Peter Vajda, titled The importance of integrity to leadership:

On an integrity scale of 1 (low) to 10 (high), how would you rate yourself when it comes to the following workplace behaviors:
(a) gossiping
(b) bullying
(c) viewing or downloading porn
(d) stealing physical materials
(e) stealing intellectual property
(f) stealing time
(g) telling the truth
(h) taking responsibility for your piece of your team’s projects
(i) making excuses
(j) being direct, open and honest in your communications
(k) respecting others
(l) living your values
(m) keeping an honest set of books and following appropriate accounting principles.

Who or what stops you from acting with integrity?

When you’re not acting with integrity, what kind of self-talk do you engage in?

Do you lie to yourself about acting with integrity? If so, why?

Does it matter to you that you are not acting with integrity?

Do you use the same definition to define integrity for yourself as for others? If not, why not?

Do you respond if others act without integrity and their actions directly affect you?

Do you ever excuse, justify or rationalize acting without integrity? If so, when and why?

How did you go? A little sobering?

INTEGRITY is the essence of everything successful
~ Buckminster Fuller: American Engineer, Inventor, Designer, Architect

How do we life a life of integrity?

So, if living a life of integrity is something you might be interested in, how do we go about it?

The Abundance Company makes the following interesting suggestions:

A person lacking self-esteem, friendships, and financial stability, has a higher than normal likelihood of acting without integrity.

A person with high self-esteem, a strong support system and a balanced life will most likely act with integrity.

Therefore it stands to reason that we need to regularly remind ourselves of:

what our values are,
what is important to us, and
what kind of life we want to live

In order to act with integrity in our lives, we also need to ensure we have high levels of self-esteem, have strong support systems and live a balanced life.

Bob Czimbal and Michele Brooks elaborate on some Signs of Integrity as follows:

Be open to feedback
Accept personal responsibility
Balance one’s needs with the needs of others
Practice understanding and compassion
Seek the advice of others
Be respectful of views that are different
Act with integrity even when it is inconvenient
Keep agreements
Know the difference between humor and hostility.

* What do you think – does integrity count for anything?

What do you believe?

Ross — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 04:42:43 +0000

credit: *L*u*z*a* lack of inspiration

I’ve always been interested in the meanings behind song lyrics. Songs that make you think, or songs that tell a story as they unfold seem to be a lot more interesting than those that are highly repetitive or have fairly shallow lyrics.

One song in particular that has always made me stop and reflect on things is Belief by John Mayer. The version I’ve embedded below (in case you haven’t heard it) is kind of an extended instrumentally version.

This song’s lyrics make me think about what I personally believe on a whole range of issues but puts things in perspective with the rest of the world. I think I’m right about what I believe. What about you? Well, when it comes down to it, we all think we’re right in what we believe, don’t we?

Something else it makes me reflect on is the way in which we as individuals and in groups impose our beliefs on others. If we want to stand up for our beliefs or impress our beliefs on others there are ways to go about it, yet so many times we seem to get this wrong.

Belief is a powerful thing.

A snipped version of the lyrics look kinda like this:

Is there anyone who ever remembers
changing their mind from the paint on a sign?,
is there anyone who really recalls
ever breaking rank at all
for something someone yelled real loud one time?

oh, everyone believes
in how they think it oughta be
oh, everyone believes
and they’re not going easily

we’re never gonna win the world
we’re never gonna stop the war
we’re never gonna beat this
if belief is what we’re fighting for

what puts a hundred thousand children in the sand?
belief can, belief can
what puts a folded flag inside his mother’s hand?
belief can, belief can

Finding the will to change your life

Ross — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 04:54:02 +0000

credit: johnnyalive

From time to time I have a look at my blog stats. How people found me, how many people visited on a particular day, how many went “ooh yuk!” in under 10 seconds – stuff like that! (Side note – I used to be a compulsive stats viewer, checking every couple hours but I strongly advise getting beyond this and checking every few days or once a week instead! It does great things for your sanity and helps get the focus back onto writing whatever you want rather than being driven by stats.)

But I digress. Today I had a look at some of my blog stats, and as part of this I had a look at some of the search terms people had used to come across my site. Why do I do this? Well, frankly I like the fact that at least someone is reading what I have to say! And I’m curious as to what people are looking for.. Here’s some of the google keywords from this week:

get excited about living life
how to lose friends and make no one like you
the desire to be liked
the fragility of love
change fahrenheit to centigrade (what the heck?!)
personal quotable quotes

And then there it was. Staring me right in the face:

finding the will to change your life

Wow… finding the will to change your life. I completely love it. Isn’t this really what many of us desire? Notice it’s not “how to change my life”, “where to start changing” or “what do I do first?”, but finding the will. In other words, what do we do when we know we want to make changes, we know there are so many things we can do better and improve upon, but need a bit of a nudge to get us there? How exactly do we not only create more desire for change, but also find the will to change our lives?

The answer is not an easy one, because people are complex! We all have different backgrounds, ideas, dreams. What works for you may not work for me, and vise-versa. Regardless, I’d like to put forth a few questions:

1. How does will power come about exactly? What drives us to want to put that extra effort in and get things done? Does it all come intrinsically, therefore meaning some people will never have it? Or is it a learned skill, one where practice makes perfect?

2. Can anyone do it?

credit: pimpexposure

Defining what we want

Answers.com defines willpower as:

“The strength of will to carry out one’s decisions, wishes, or plans.”
Or, in other words, creating a vision or plan for your life and having enough strength of character to carry out that plan.

Another definition from the same source is one I really like, check it out: “Unwavering firmness of character, action, or will.”

Unwavering firmness of character, action or will… Marvellous! I’ll have a double helping, thanks..

Have you, like me, ever really thought about the things you want to change in your life? I’m talking about being very specific. Ever wondered about finding the will to carry out those changes? Where do we start?

Putting it all together

By definition will power involves having the strength to carry out plans, ideas. The best place to start therefore is to make sure you have some kind of idea of what you want! Sounds simple, I know, but believe me – it’s difficult to find the will to change your life when you don’t know specifically what you want out of life.

For me, I’ve started by identifying the things I actually want to do and have.

This exercise can not be done without a pen and paper! I know what you’re thinking, I’ve read similar opening lines before and plowed on with my reading, completely skipping the exercise. Humor yourself and go and grab a pen! It takes less than five minutes, and can be more difficult than you actually think.

Brainstorm for a few minutes and write all the things down that you would like to do and have. Everything. This includes trips, traveling, holidays, material things, cars, boats – whatever. I’ve discovered this is a tough task to complete! What would you go and do right now if you have 20 million dollars in the bank? After you get past the things you think you want but really don’t need you get to the really great part: discovering what would excite you, make you enjoy life more. These are the things that we want to achieve, that are the basis for finding the will to change our lives. Ok, your five minutes starts…….. now!

Crunch time. Now’s a great time to reflect on your current life. Can you accomplish all the things you wrote down? (Or didn’t write down, for those of you who kept reading!) Why not? Is it because your current existence is incredibly limiting? Or is it because you don’t have “unwavering firmness of character, action or will”? In my own life I’ve found it’s easy to blame circumstances. “I don’t have enough income, cash flow…”, “I could never afford that…” “I don’t earn enough…”

Why not start to take action that will allow you to accomplish what’s on your list? When I am completely honest with myself, I’d have to say that for me it’s because I’ve become comfortable with where I’m at. Complacency. I make enough to pay the bills, have a holiday occasionally, buy a bottle of wine… But certainly not enough to live out my dreams, or accomplish my brainstorming list.

But that’s all about to change.

Finding the Will to Change Your Life

There’s no magic pile of money waiting for you with no effort required. Sorry to disappoint you! Waiting for a huge payout to come from nowhere is about as productive as buying lottery tickets. Finding the will the change your life comes from discovering what you want, brainstorming what you want to accomplish, formulating a plan and sticking with it.

Are you ready for that again?

Discover what you want (by brainstorming and writing it down).
Formulate a plan. Let me suggest you start by reading The Four Hour Work Week by Timothy Ferriss. It’s an incredibly thought provoking read packed with ways to start making more, working less and enjoying life more. You can buy it from Amazon for around $14, money well worth spending.
Stick with it. This one’s not rocket science, but can be easier said than done. With a little more willpower and action, we can accomplish so much. Don’t give up just because something isn’t working straight away.

And regarding my earlier questions? I don’t think everyone wants to change their life. Many people say things like “it’d be nice to have more money”. Or maybe it’s a new car, going on a holiday… But when it comes down to making changes to accomplish these things, they don’t try to follow through. And I’m just as guilty of falling into this pattern! One thing I’m realising more and more this year is that dreams don’t have to remain as just pipe dreams however – accomplishing what we want out of life takes a decision to make it happen, and the will power to follow through.

Can anybody do it? I’m not so sure. If you’re serious about creating a better life, really determined, and have started by perhaps researching ways to have more free time or create more cash flow, that’s a great first step. Keep going! If you’re that guy at work who whines how he wishes his life was better but does nothing about it however, well I’m not so sure that kind of personality will ever have enough will power to accomplish change.

What has worked for you – has will power alone been enough to make changes in your life?

How have you started to create the changes and lifestyle you want to live?

So you’ve heard it all before? Part 4: What Next?

Ross — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 21:27:10 +0000

credit: Chris Gin

This is part 4 of a four part series titled So You’ve Heard It All Before?

1: Gratitude
2: Confidence
3: Destiny
4. What Next?

This short series touched on three key areas that are important to revisit from time to time:

Gratitude: “A powerful aspect of gratitude is service to others – they really go hand in hand. Once you start improving on being grateful, there is a natural tendency to want to help other people more.”

Confidence: “Confidence encompasses so much of our lives. From trivial, daily tasks to massive undertakings – they all require some degree of confidence in yourself and confidence in other people. ”

Destiny: “Destiny is about finding your niche and your passion, and never giving up.”

What Next?

Have you ever wondered what’s next? Maybe you’ve thought about it from a long term perspective – a career change or major project you’d like to accomplish. What does my life have in store? Sometimes these kinds of thoughts produce action, other times they remain a dream. I’ve heard many elderly people make some comment about the things they missed out on, eg “I always wanted to be a pilot but it just never happened”. I don’t want that to be me saying that in 40 years time!

So what is the key to fulfilling our existence? To making the most of life and never giving up?

Improving on gratitude and becoming more confident are actions that produce some amazing results in our lives, however nothing is as big a dream killer as complacency and routine.

Question: when did you last ask yourself “What’s next?”

What’s next for you this year?

Let me encourage you to think about it from a short term perspective. What’s next – what can you do today that is different from your normal routine? Can you interact with people differently than you normally do? How about making the decision to drop complaints for one whole day. No complaining allowed about anything. Or even stretch that out for a month long commitment.

credit: Solar ikon

What’s next in your relationships – have you done anything differently or are you in the same old routine? How about a massage? Lunch? Flowers? I’m just a guilty of this as everyone else – relationships need a bit of spontaneity to stay fresh!

What’s next for your character? When your character is developed it’s tough to change. The ‘loud guy’ at work is not going to have a complete change in personality overnight. But if there are areas you want to improve on in your life, why not work on them in bite size chunks and start today? I can always work on being more appreciative of people for who they are, despite their irritating habits! So I’m going to think about that today, and control the way I react to people.

Surely there are so many other areas where this principle can be applied. What has worked well for you? Why let complacency and routine get in the way of living an outstanding life…

Gratitude, Confidence, Destiny… These are great topics to revisit and take action on in our own lives. Let’s not let life go by without making the most of every day! And always be asking what’s next?

So you’ve heard it all before? Part 3: Destiny

Ross — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 14:07:44 +0000

credit: Faithful Chant

This is part 3 of a four part series titled So You’ve Heard It All Before?

1: Gratitude
2: Confidence
3: Destiny
4. What Next?

This short series began after I attended a school awards night. One of the speeches was on confidence, and the material presented was not exactly new. But it was compelling. And inspiring! So I really just want to pay tribute to something I was reminded of – sometimes it’s good to hear material we may have heard before! It helps reiterate what we already know, and gives us a fresh perspective from another person’s view point. From time to time we also learn something!

Destiny

Have you ever wondered about your destiny? Wondered whether your life was simply a pre-determined series of events or in fact a clean slate, waiting for you to fill in the details…

Destiny. What is destiny?

Literally it means a predetermined course of events; the future, what is destined for you. I’ve heard this definition misinterpreted as the end result will remain constant, so why bother pursuing anything with any vigor? This is something akin to blaming everything on fate, which I don’t believe is correct.

For me, thinking about destiny allows me to ask whether my life was meant for something greater than what it is now.

I heard a great quote recently on destiny that went like this:

According to Edison, Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.
Destiny is 99% preparation and 1% execution. You can prepare all your life, but if you don’t go for it, you don’t take that leap in spite of tonnes of excuses and saying you’re not ready, you just won’t get there.

Sometimes you gotta just do it. Or why did you spend all that time preparing? Why do you prepare, and read, and grow… if you’re not going to take a step and finish it off? – Sam D. Kim

I like this quote because it reaffirms two of my beliefs:

We’re here for a reason, and we can accomplish great things
These things won’t happen by being complacent! In order to fulfill dreams, push out of comfort zones and be all that we can be, realise our destiny, it takes action.

credit: Stevoarnold

I don’t believe my life will follow a completely unchangeable path. My life has a plan… but I also have free will and the ability to make choices. How much I apply myself, follow my dreams, and persevere will ultimately decide whether or not I become all that I can be. And whether I fulfill my destiny.

Does this mean you can do anything at all that you put your mind to? Well, let me ask the following question. Can anyone become a neurosurgeon? All it takes is hard work, dedication, passion, and unwavering dedication to your studies, right? True, but unfortunately for many people they are not well suited to the job, it’s just not meant to be. In addition to passion and drive, to be a neurosurgeon you also need fine motor skills, an ability to think and reason quickly, to be a great communicator and work well under pressure.

So pursuing a destiny means not only following key ingredients for success, but your pursuit has to also be right for you. Be meant to be. Destiny. I’m not trying to suggest that having all the right qualities for a job or role should be the only determining factor in pursuing it – of course there are many other factors that come into play. The point is, don’t miss out on fulfilling your destiny because you didn’t give things a shot. Shoot for the stars, and reflect on what your good qualities and abilities are – don’t be completely unrealistic with your pursuits.

Key ingredients to successfully fulfilling destiny:

Perseverence

Courage

Just Do It

Attitude, passion, drive and smart choices coupled with destiny equals results. Negativity, pessimism, giving up – these attributes will not see your destiny fulfilled.

Fulfill Your Destiny

Here’s how to do it. Do you have a great business idea you’ve been thinking about for ages? Maybe you’re more passionate about painting than your executive job? Think about your life now and where it’s heading – if you’ve settled for a mediocre existence, then you’re certainly not fulfilling your destiny.

Check it out:

Things often happen for a reason, we need to be alert and watching for opportunities
Great things can happen in your life, if only you give it a shot
To get there, to fulfill your destiny takes insight, passion, courage and a go for it mentality.

Destiny is about finding your niche and your passion, and never giving up.

At some point, you gotta just go for it. Why not take a minute right now to re-evaluate where your life is heading?

Don’t settle for second best
Believe you’re here for a reason
Look for opportunities
You can accomplish great things!
Above all, remember to Go for it, be Confident, and Don’t give up

How frustrating would it be to have a frail, 80 year old body and a realisation that you could have accomplished so much more with your life. Are you reaching your potential? On the road to fulfilling your destiny?

So you’ve heard it all before? Part 2: Confidence

Ross — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 10:07:31 +0000

credit: Son of Groucho

This is part 2 of a four part series titled So You’ve Heard It All Before?

1: Gratitude
2: Confidence
3: Destiny
4. What Next?

Confidence

I’m going to cut right to the chase here with confidence. Confident people have always been role models for me. When I sit down and think about how I want my life to be, I often reflect on people I admire. Many self help books recommend doing this little exercise – finding a mentor, someone to model your life on. When I come up with such people, I always come up with people who are strong, confident.

Sometimes it’s people I know, other times it’s people who have celebrity status. When John Mayer waltzes onto the stage with just an acoustic guitar and a mic, that’s a lot of pressure. It takes confidence to pull it off. I can’t imagine how Barack Obama felt when under scrutiny on some tough issues with the media and masses of people ready to pounce. Confidence. I always love it when people can stand up to their beliefs with confidence, especially in the face of criticism or pressure.

Confidence encompasses so much of our lives. From trivial, daily tasks to massive undertakings – they all require some degree of confidence in yourself and confidence in other people. So what is it about confidence that’s so great? Why do I aspire to be like these people? And are they really confident, or just giving off the illusion of confidence?

Confidence:
1. belief in own abilities: self assurance or a belief in your ability to succeed
2. faith in somebody to do right: belief or trust in somebody or something, or in the ability of somebody or something to act in a proper, trustworthy, or reliable manner

- Encarta

What is Confidence?

Confidence is a broad topic that literally refers to not only a belief in yourself, but also a belief and trust in other people or things, as the above definition suggests. What I’m actually going to focus on in this post is self-confidence.

Self-confidence is the quality I admire most in people who I hold in high regard. It’s that it factor that some people just seem to have that separates them from others.

Let me present you with some interesting thoughts on confidence from Steve Pavlina:

One of the reasons people don’t feel confident is that they harbor limiting beliefs that block them from tapping into this inner resource. For example, do you believe that in order to feel confident, you must be well-prepared? Believe it or not, that’s a limiting belief.

Even if you aren’t well prepared for a situation, you can still choose to feel confident. It’s entirely possible to be competent and well-prepared and still feel tremendous self-doubt.

I’ve roller-coasted through different phases of self-confidence as follows:

Over-confident phase (high-school)
Under-confident (University)
Somewhere in between (Current)

I’ve always been told that to gain more confidence, you just need to do it. Go out and do the things that you are unsure of, or things that make you nervous. “With practice and experience bring confidence”.

And so begins the great paradoxical dilemma – to get it, you need to just do it. But how do you have the confidence to do it, when you are lacking in confidence to begin with?

credit: Army.mil

How To Boost Your Confidence

When I get tips from people I like them to be experts on the subject, or at least for the information to come from a credible source. For example, it’s tough to take financial advice from people who haven’t made a lot of money themselves (where’s the proof!?).

These four fantastic ways to inject a massive boost to your self-confidence come directly from someone who exhibits great self-confidence, Steve Pavlina.

Steve recommends using each of the following four strategies to strengthen and improve upon your levels of self-confidence:

Visualisation – If you picture yourself sometimes doing well and sometimes failing, this is really promoting a lack of confidence. You’re sending your mind and your body mixed messages. Instead, when thinking about a particular situation or event where you want to be confident, see yourself acting with confidence in your minds eye. Keep your mind focussed on what you want, and permit only images of you performing at your best.

If you start to have feelings of uncertainty, stop running that pattern and replace it with confident images. When you constantly visualise what you want, you’re far more likely to be confident when the event occurs.

Speaking Confidently – this is all about projecting confidence, also sometimes known as a fake it ’till you make it approach. You can often pick up in someones voice when they are doubting themselves. This is partly due to word choice, and partly due to the delivery. Lines like “umm I might be able to” or “I’ll hopefully get to it” are a lot less likely to instill any confidence, compared with statements like “no problem, I’ll get it done”.

When you speak confidently you create the feeling of confidence. Word choices like absolutely, definitely, and no problem are much better than hopefully, probably, maybe. Confidence is a state of being, and language choice helps to put ourself in that state.

Moving Confidently – nervous people exhibit symptoms like shallow breathing, rocking from side to side and slumping their shoulders. Shuffling from side to side is a common indicator of uncertainty in someone’s mental state – mixing feelings of confidence coupled with self-doubt. To stop your body having symptoms of self doubt, you need to create symptoms of self confidence. Take deep breaths, put your shoulders back and stand tall. If you are putting your body in confident positions it helps to over-ride feelings of self doubt.

Smiling is also indicative of self confidence. The way you use your body creates an emotional effect on the inside. One suggested method of using movement techniques to be a confident public speaker is to take deep breaths, relax, pause over a room and smile at the start of a speech. Even if you’re not as prepared as you’d like to be, it’s better to feel confident because it will allow you to perform better, even when conditions aren’t the best.

Stimuli – you can also use external stimuli to trigger feelings of confidence, for example, listening to empowering songs before a situation where you want to project confidence. Triggering stimuli helps to induce self-confidence by making us feel a certain way.

Music is one useful stimuli, another might be using or looking at something that reminds you of past successes. Remember a time in the past when you felt confident, and use a physical trigger to remind you, like a photograph or award etc.

I really believe these four areas are significant ways to improve self-confidence – they have worked for me, and I’m getting better at being more confident in a variety of areas. One thing I’ve discovered with self-confidence, is that you have to work at it. For me personally, I like to tell myself to remain cool and calm on the outside, even if when I’m lacking in confidence on the inside. This helps my whole body calm down and maintain an air of confidence, even when its lacking.

Want to improve self-confidence? Get in and do it rather than shying away, and make use of the four techniques: visualisation, speaking, moving and stimuli.

What are your experiences with confidence – have you had any successes with techniques like the ones presented above?

So you’ve heard it all before? Part 1: Gratitude

Ross — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 00:03:37 +0000

credit: bigibigi

This is part 1 of a four part series titled So You’ve Heard It All Before?

1: Gratitude
2: Confidence
3: Destiny
4. What Next?

Gratitude

How many times have you thought to yourself “I’d be really happy if only I had…..” The ending to this line really depends on what is important to you, but maybe its “if only I had…

… a million dollars”
… a wife/husband” (or maybe a different wife/husband!)
… a new car / house / boat”
… children”
… a higher paying job”
… a winning lottery ticket!”

I’ve certainly used one or more of those lines before. I remember thinking to myself a few years back, “If I could make a heap of money, I’d be much happier!”

There were a few events that happened in my life that changed my way of thinking, however (I’ve mentioned one of them in a recent post here so I won’t bore you with it again!) Lately I’ve been spending more time being thankful for what I have in my life. It’s easy to take things for granted when they’re around you every day, it’s only when we take a step back and reflect on how much certain things really mean to us that we can truly be thankful and express gratitude.

What’s the point of being grateful?

There are a number of reasons. One of them is that your actions are dictated by your thoughts. When you start appreciating things more and being more grateful, it’s reflected in your behaviour. For example, if you are taking more time to reflect on and be grateful for your spouse or kids, it can change the way you act or react to different situations. I can attest to this in my own life – there have been times when it has helped me not to over-react when one of the kids does something wrong; instead I’ve found myself to be a little more tolerant, forgiving.

A great author by the name of Dr Wayne Dyer also talks about abundance and prosperity, and how these can be influenced by a scarcity mentality. If we believe and focus on scarcity, we evaluate our lives in terms of what is missing or lacking; we spend time focusing on what we need or want rather than being thankful for what we have. He states, “People believe they live a life of lack because they are unlucky, instead of recognizing that their belief system is rooted in scarcity thinking. Yet as long as they live with a scarcity mentality, that is what they will attract to their lives.” For those of you who have read or seen The Secret, this also corresponds with the concept of laws of attraction.

Having gratitude in your life therefore is not only beneficial for:

Yourself, but also
The people close to you, and
Other people around you.

credit: ^riza^

Show a little gratitude

What’s the best way to stop taking things for granted and show a little more gratitude? I normally start with myself. Every day I make sure I take time out to be thankful for my life – for my health, my sight, my strength. For the person I am right now, and the things I’m improving on.

Then I expand and move out from there – being thankful for the people close to me, my wife and kids. My family, my work. The possessions I have, the place I live, food, clothes. The great coffee I drank this morning! I think about recent events and situations in my life and try to be thankful for what I may have learned, even if it means turning negatives into positives – sometimes hindsight can give you a completely different perspective on things.

“The secret is to stop focusing on what we do not have, and shift our consciousness to an appreciation for all that we are and all that we do have” - Wayne Dyer

You can then begin to express that gratitude by doing things like:

Buying flowers for your wife (something I need to do way more often!)
Writing someone an email to appreciate a great article they wrote
Phoning your brother or sister just to say hi
Going above and beyond what is required of you at work
Linking to great articles like this one from Billionaire Woman, or this one at Think Simple Now
Volunteering your time to help someone in need
Telling your kids how much you love and appreciate them, and showing them by spending time with them

A powerful aspect of gratitude is service to others – they really go hand in hand. Once you start improving on being grateful, there is a natural tendency to want to help other people more.

“Whatever you focus your thoughts on, expands”

- Wayne Dyer

Gratitude is so important in life, and so often neglected. Taking a bit of time out to be thankful can have a positive, powerful impact on many areas of your life.

Q&A with Leo Babauta of Zen Habits: Success

Ross — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 15:02:38 +0000

credit: ePi.Longo

Today I was fortunate enough to be part of a four hour question and answer session with Leo Babauta from one of my favourite blogs, Zen Habits.

Zen Habits (as if you haven’t heard of it!) is a very successful site that covers topics like achieving goals, productivity, being organized, motivation, eliminating debt and successfully implementing good habits. I really appreciate Leo’s down to earth nature and insight into the many different topics he writes about.

I was pleased to have the opportunity to ask Leo two questions that he answered very well, I thought I’d take a moment to share one of them with you (the other was on market saturation and blogging, you can read his response on the site; link is at the end of this post):

Question: Leo – with your recent success you must have days where you feel sky high.. Apart from the tips found in great posts written on this subject, is there a way you stay so grounded/humble?! You seem to be so good at it! I’m always looking for ways to better myself and part of that is taking advice from those that have been there / done that….

Answer: Well, I have to admit that things have definitely changed for me as a blogger … success brings amazing new opportunities but also some new challenges … bloggers who want me to link to them, authors who want me to review their books, websites that want me to be their partner, people who want to buy links within my posts (which I don’t do) … I’m not complaining, though, but just pointing out that I definitely have to change the way I operate to stay sane. I don’t get to answer comments as much as I used to — I used to respond to every single comment! Those days are long gone, sadly.

But as for staying grounded … I think the key for me is gratitude. I try to remind myself of all that I’m grateful for, including my wonderful, encouraging readers, my simple lifestyle made possible by a full-time blogging job, the ability to do what I’m passionate about for a living … these are amazing things and I’m truly grateful for all of them.

When you remember to be grateful, you also remember that any of it can be taken away by circumstances. So I try to remember all of that and not think that I’m invincible or anything.

I also remember that I’m not perfect, by a long shot. I try not to think I’m better than anyone else. If I’ve been successful as a blogger, there are dozens of bloggers who’ve actually done better than me … and for those below me in the blogging ladder, I remember what it was like to be on their rung. It’s a struggle, when you’re first starting out, and I know that. So I try to be kind to those who want to promote themselves on my blog, just as others were kind to me when I was in that position.

Thanks again Leo for making yourself available, and for taking the time to produce such heart-felt genuine responses to questions. You can find the rest of the questions and answers from the session at Write To Done. I hope that you were equally as impressed as I was with Leo’s response.

How to be a skeptic

Ross — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 14:34:50 +0000

I know a guy who’s a bit of a jokester. He often comes out with wild, unbelievable statements but does it in such a deadpan serious kind of way that most people’s response is, “really? Wow, I never knew that!” Then when his face breaks into a grin, you realise that you’ve just been had!

credit: mangpages

By now I’m pretty used to his crazy sense of humour, so I’m always on guard when he’s coming out with the next “unbelievable” statement. Time after time after time though, I see him fooling people into believing what he’s saying.

Why does this happen? Maybe it’s partly because his delivery seems so genuine. Maybe it has more to do with the nature of people, that we often tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. Which leads me to an amazing revelation I made some years ago. You don’t have to agree with me, but here it is:

People aren’t always right!

When you’re involved in a conversation with my afore mentioned friend, the consequence of being “had” is at worst your pride cops a hit and you might have to cope with a bit of chuckling from your mates.

The real problem is that similar misleading statements are made all the time by people who aren’t joking. Just about every day I hear opinions from many different people who would love me to believe what they believe on every topic under the sun. Politics, religion, money, success, education, health: people passionately declare what they believe to be truths. These declarations are sometimes correct, but frequently aren’t.

“Churches are all corrupt”
“The internet is saturated, no one makes money anymore”
“That guy from The Wonder Years is really Marilyn Manson”
“Chewing gum takes seven years to go through your body!”

Or sometimes the statements sound more plausible:

“Don’t go out in the rain or you’ll catch a cold”
“You need a degree to do well in life”
“All Fluoride is bad for you”

It’s particularly annoying when people make wild statements as if they are experts in the field. Mostly when I hear statements that sound particularly unrealistic I just smile and nod, or say something like “that’s interesting!” Then I’ll go and research things a little more & come to my own conclusions, or at least try to hear from someone who is a credible source.

credit: monkeyleader

Snopes has been a long term friend of mine: if you’ve had an email account for any length of time, I’m sure you’ve also received those ridiculous scaremongering emails about robbers in car parks using perfume, or snakes lurking in ball pits. You’d be amazed how many people forward these on without doing any checking for themselves.

It’s one thing to be had as a joke, it’s another thing to alter your life based on other people’s opinions. Having a healthy skepticism is a good way to approach life, for a number of reasons:

Blindly believing other people is being ignorant
Listening to other people can limit you and your achievements
You see in life what you’re looking for

Stay razor sharp! Listen to other people, but don’t forget about your own beliefs, your own opinions, your goals. Don’t be limited in what you can achieve because you’re listening too hard to what somebody else thinks. Thoughts?