Will It Change You? » Meaning & Purpose

Keep looking. And don’t settle.

Ross — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 03:58:25 +0000

Steve Jobs Stanford Commencement speech is worth watching if you’ve never heard it before.

You can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will connect somewhere in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.

Because believing that the dots will connect down the road, will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path path.

And that will make all the difference.

You’ve got to find what you love.

Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. And don’t settle.

As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking. Don’t settle.

Blatantly Honest Responses to ‘Giving Up on Life’

Ross — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 04:46:47 +0000

credit: h.koppdelaney

A few months back I wrote a post titled Giving Up on Life as a response to a search string that someone had used to visit here: “when it’s time to give up on life”.

I’d like to share with you a reader’s response to that particular post.

From Tom:

Giving up seems to be by words for me and I have always rebounded, but the end is near and closing fast.

I got diagonosed with a cancerous tumor 12 years ago, did the chemo and radiation, and then the life changing therapy. So I survived my fit of depression then but still wear the bag to remind me. Then came a dying liver that I have been dealing with, done all the right things to stay on the transplant list. (Ha) sitting here with the letter of removing me from the list sitting next to the keyboard.

Why, not because I gave up, but rather now I have been diagnosed with cancer of the liver. So I spent my time again expanding my understanding of all the paticulars of the disease. What I got for all this is the biopsy which I am waiting to be scheduled for, three simple words. I give up. Tom

Wow, talk about a tough situation.

Here I am imploring people never to give up on life, and I get hit with such raw honesty from Tom.

My response to you, Tom, is that I’m sorry you’ve been dealt such hard challenges in life. It doesn’t seem fair, and to be perfectly frank, I don’t know why this has happened to you.

I’m a big believer in things happening for a reason in life, though we don’t often see why until we have the benefit of hindsight.

This doesn’t really help your own situation too much, and I can’t possibly pretend to understand what you’re going through.

I would like to encourage you to take time out to appreciate as much as you can in life, whether that’s remembering back to happier times or noticing and appreciating the simple things around us. Don’t give up on the fact that today you are alive!

Good luck to you and sincerely, God bless.

Another reader, Antony, responded to the original post as follows:

I dont know if you will believe. I searched exactly with the words giving up. Life takes its turns. I have a very stressful time.

Though I am a doctor, to be on the other side of the table is a totally different feeling. My daughter has been seriously ill, and as you said, it changes your attitudes towards life. Sometimes, all said and done, it is difficult to go forwards. I cant find reasons why such things happen in life. It is such a sad thing that your child is ill, and you sit and watch. Helpless, frustration..what not. I know sometimes things happen for a reason, but other times, I cant find any.

Now I fully understand the anxiety and stress of the family of those who come to me. I could never understand it if I hadn’t passed through my present situations. Maybe, that is the purpose. Maybe, life wants to teach me something. It probably wants me to be a better physician, who understands the feeling of others.

Thanks so much to these readers (and others) who have been so blatantly honest about their own personal situations. People often feel encouraged through reading and hearing about stories like these.

Another interesting read is a response to Why do bad things happen to good people? titled Are you sure you want an explanation?

If you’d like to share your thoughts on these responses or any other matters, please comment below. The original post can be found here: Giving Up on Life.

Will your Quest for Success be your Downfall?

Ross — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 14:30:32 +0000

Thought: When you find what you are looking for in life, what’s next?

It’s funny how so many people are on a never ending quest to be better, richer, more successful. We want to be the best we can in life, and sometimes that quest seems to be never ending.

Isn’t that the point though? The journey is a continuum, and it’s the journey of life that makes it so much fun. Life experiences, emotional highs and lows, trials and successes, failure and joy.

It’s the highs and lows of life that make life so interesting!

I think if I ever reached a point where I was satisfied in every way, I would find myself… rather unsatisfied at the lack of challenge. What’s the point exactly?

I want to bring your attention to a particular journey of self-discovery that made tragic news headlines recently in my part of the world.

The Turning Point program professes itself to “deepen the quality of life through skilful reflection and self knowledge.” It has also been labelled a “journey to the core of the human spirit.”

Sadly, one young lady actually jumped to her death in an apparent psychotic state only a few days after finishing the course in 2005. According to her husband she returned home in a dream-like state, appearing detached as if she were on drugs. An autopsy however, revealed that she had no alcohol or drugs in her system when she died.

Fast forward a few years, and the coronal inquest is just now underway. While this case is a particularly extreme example of soul searching gone wrong, it’s a situation that can help us reflect on our own lives.

How far is your Quest for MORE taking you?

Think about what you’re searching for in life. Fulfillment? Success? Maybe a blissful life with no worries or stress, where your house is filled with everything that money can buy…

To that I say BORING! Maybe It’d be great for a few weeks, but man – we need to jump outside our comfort zones to make us stronger! We need to feel pressure sometimes, in order to be better equipped to handle whatever comes our way. Sometimes we need to struggle financially to really appreciate money.

Am I suggesting that we should not strive for success? Not at all. But ask yourself: HOW FAR are you going on your quest for MORE?

1. Don’t be too concerned when NOT EVERYTHING is going your way. The pipe dream of ‘perfection’ is not always as exciting as we expect it to be.

2. Enjoy the moment. Don’t let your quest for MORE override your appreciation of what you already HAVE.

3. Watch yourself when it comes to regression sessions, psychotherapy and the like. While this kind of thing is not for me, if it is something you are involved in you should really only be dealing with people professionally trained in psychology. The experience of the unfortunate lady mentioned above is not one to be taken lightly.

Giving up on life

Ross — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 03:29:09 +0000

credit: mkorchia

A search string that recently referred someone to this site was the phrase when it’s time to give up on life.

It struck a bit of a chord with me and got me thinking about the question it poses: what do we do if we hit a point so low we are found typing about giving up into a search engine? Maybe some people are not literally at a point of giving up but it’s more a cry of desperation or frustration, a kind of ‘what do I do now!’ situation. So many others however really are feeling like there is no point to life.

Even though I have so much to be thankful for in my own life, it’s certainly not always been completely trouble or pain free – the fact is, we all go through our share of ups and downs in life.

When is it time to give up on life? Is there ever a time?

What can someone do when they feel that the problems they face are so, so overwhelming that life just isn’t worth living?

I wrote a post from personal experience a while back titled the tragedy of amazing success. Basically it’s a quick example of how (contrary to popular belief) ‘having it all’ won’t make you invulnerable to feeling like it’s time to give up on life, and even acting on those feelings.

So when is it time to give up on life?

If you really are feeling like you’ve hit rock bottom, can I suggest you check out what to do if feeling suicidal for Australians, or suicide information for the Americas. Also have a look at resources for depression and other treatable illnesses at family doctor.

My personal feelings? The answer to the question is Never. Absolutely never.

Don’t ever give up on life. Life is a precious gift, and there is so much more to life than your current circumstance. I don’t want to pretend to understand what other people are going through, but sometimes with time our situations change, if only we have faith and never give up.

“Defeat may test you; it need not stop you. If at first you don’t succeed, try another way. For every obstacle there is a solution. Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. The greatest mistake is giving up.”
~anon

Hundreds walk past a collapsed teenager

Ross — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 13:55:41 +0000

credit: le vent le cri

When you read articles like this one about a collapsed teenager who received no help from hundreds of people who walked past, do you suppose this is an indication of today’s society in general? Or is there a reason people don’t like to help out?

This isn’t the first article I’ve read of this nature, but it’s always a little intriguing – what makes someone walk past another person without checking that they’re ok?

“The young university student, who did not want to be identified, collapsed to the pavement outside a crowded Perth department store as she was walking to the train station, but received no offers of help from the hundreds of people who walked past. ”

“The young woman was described by her family yesterday as slightly built, well-dressed and kind.”

It’s difficult not to notice someone collapsed on the ground – I wonder what goes through people’s heads? Is it judgmental thoughts, like “those teenagers and their drugs – serves em right!” Or maybe “they’ve obviously had too much to drink last night!”

Possibly it’s thoughts of worry or fear, uncertainty of how to help – “I’ll just pretend I didn’t see THAT!”

credit: nyki_m

Honestly I would have thought that most people would help someone else out (particularly in Australia where this happened, where there’s a huge culture of mateship), however this doesn’t seem to be the case in reality. Maybe when it comes down to the crunch, most people avoid getting involved for some reason or other.

I wonder if rather than fear of the situation, it’s more of a selfish act:
“No time to stop! I’m in a hurry to get somewhere. Sorry, can’t really get tangled up with giving statements or wasting my precious time.”

Could we give the benefit of the doubt and say it has more to do with lack of first-aid knowledge? Hardly….

The school chaplain in the article feels it may be a combination of things, stating:

“It was disturbing that anyone would be treated so callously, but a combination of fear and selfishness would have kept people away. ”

“My fear (if we don’t change) is that we will become more anxious and more fearful as a society. Then we’ll have to say to ourselves, that if everyone thinks the way I do, if something happens to me, if I have an asthma attack or if I faint or something else awful happens, no one is going to come to my aid either.”

Why are we so worried about helping someone out? Perhaps our good intentions don’t amount to much when we’re actually put in that situation. Would you stop to help someone who’s collapsed? Would it make a difference if they were elderly? Younger? A tramp? Think about it…

The heart of life

Ross — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 02:31:36 +0000

credit: nattu

Is it just me or does the daily news seem to be grim these days? There are so many sad things that happen in the world. While I’ve never wanted my kids to be overly sheltered or have a false sense of security, lately I’ve found it’s increasingly difficult to even listen to the news in the car or on TV and be comfortable with my girls listening in. Horrible news.

I’m not talking here about an avalanche or flood (although that can also be horrible news), I’m talking about stalkers. Child molesters. People who commit malicious acts which are premeditated and calculated. The only way I can describe it is evil. What on earth drives a father to throw a child from a bridge?

It’s got me thinking about the heart of life.

Are most people ‘good’ at their very core? Do people who hurt other people ever feel love? Joy? Emotion?

I’ve had some exposure to mental illness and drug/alcohol addicts, and have seen the complete lack of insight in their eyes. But what of those who are aware of what they are doing?

What is at our core?

I’d like to think that at the core of humanity is care and respect for other people. Yet the world may be changing. For instance, there were fights that happened when I was at school, but to video those fights with a phone, post them on myspace then belittle and mock the student to the point of suicide – this is something entirely new. What have we become!?

credit: Kevin Tiqui

Maybe it’s simply that there is more exposure to these acts, that we are becoming better at exposing people rather than sweeping things under a rug. Abuse in churches for example is particularly disturbing, and was formerly mostly covered up and not talked about.

On the flipside, it’s brought about a public paranoia that makes people feel awkward and embarrassed when they are taking photo’s of their own kids! A recent news article describes an amateur photographer who was thrown off the beach for taking photos of an adult volleyball game.

Let me hit you with some lyrics by John Mayer:

Pain throws you heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won’t all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good

So my question: is the heart of life good? What do you think?

Has there been a shift in society?
Or is it just that our awareness, exposure and population has increased?

One minute you’re sitting on a park bench…

Ross — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 18:19:34 +0000

credit: estmsk

It’s funny how the excitement of ‘stuff’ diminishes with time. I’m reminded of the post Christmas period – so much excitement as toys and gifts are ripped open! Then a few weeks later, the same things are left lying around unused.

There are so many things in life that have amazing appeal and seem to be so inviting, particularly when they are things we don’t own or haven’t done before.

Maybe it’s new cars, boats, TV’s, clothes, a four month vacation exploring Europe, houses, holidays – even owning your own private island in the Bahamas! I’m sure that would be pretty exciting for most people! Big toys, little toys – after you’ve acquired said item, the excitement eventually starts to wear off.

Think of your dream car – what you’ve always pictured yourself in when you were younger. Maybe it’s a big name car like a Porsche, Ferrari etc. I don’t own one of these, but I can imagine I’d be pretty ecstatic if I became the proud owner of one! (note to selfless supporters who would like to donate – that’s what the ‘donate’ link is for at the top of the page!) Hop in and out of it day after day after day however, and it although you still may love the car, the excitement of it has long gone. Just talk to people who own crazy expensive cars – they normally shrug and say “oh yeah, it’s pretty good…”

Sometimes life’s a little bit like this too. We get excited about life for a while, we’re passionate about something new, like starting a dream job, having an exciting holiday or reaching a milestone. As time goes by we tend to get a little complacent, a little less excited about ‘stuff’.

And so it goes also with our health. Unless we get some kind of wake up call, we often take our health, our lives for granted to some degree.

A couple of days ago in my home town, a young man aged 23 was killed when a car jumped the kerb and ploughed into him from behind at speed. I don’t believe he saw the car coming, he was actually on a break from work at the time, sitting on a park bench and watching the ocean. I didn’t know the man, but his family have publicly recognised him as a great guy, a hard worker with amazing potential – life was just beginning.

What do we normally do when something like this happens? It’s tragic, it makes us feel sad for the person and their family. For a little while we are reminded of how fleeting life is, and we tend to take a bit more time to kiss our kids goodnight, give our family hugs and tell them how much we love them. We shake our heads and say “what a shame. Life is so precious.”

And then eventually it wears of a little, as we slip back into the routines of life.

Lasting Excitement
I’m not suggesting we need to be uber-enthusiastic all of the time. But I would like to take a leaf out of Timothy Ferriss’s book and suggest that maybe our goals in life shouldn’t be to aim for the pot of gold at the end; building up a retirement fund, and biding our time so that we can enjoy the spoils in 20 years time.

Maybe we should be concentrating more on enjoying life every day.

What is your legacy? What will people remember you for? I’d much rather be remembered as someone who enjoyed life, enjoyed people and had fun, than someone who was doing well climbing the corporate ladder and likely to make partner in another 15 years!

Simple Steps to Take
What can we do to reduce this wave of ups and downs in life, of building then waning excitement, of taking our lives for granted?

I’d like to suggest that we focus more on the simple things in life.
Less on material things, more on the joy of living. Simplicity. Breathe in the fresh air! It’s good to be alive!

Maybe we could think about:

Smiling more
Worrying less about the little things in life
Spending less time online!
Living for today, not for next year, or in 5 years time
Not putting off our dreams until we’re older
Being heartfelt and genuine as much as possible

Do you have any other suggestions?

After all, do you realise – that’s you and me there, sitting on that park bench, watching the ocean.

Career paths vs happiness: which road are you on?

Ross — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 09:43:26 +0000

credit: awezmazs

If you’re like me and have done some soul searching regarding work, careers and general ambitions for life at any stage, I’m sure you would have come across the following questions: “What would you do if you weren’t worried about being paid?” or, “What do you really enjoy doing?”

It’s well known that we spend a massive portion of our lives working. It makes sense to be happy, it makes sense to spend all that time doing something we like rather than resent, yet many people continue to stay within their comfort zones rather than pursuing a career that would bring more enjoyment. There can be many reasons for this – sometimes it’s hard to know exactly what you want to do with your life.

When I made the decision to change university courses (10 years ago), I was wrestling with a few different things that I wanted to do with my life. All through high-school I was convinced I would pursue a career in IT. I practiced up on my skills at home, bought books, read magazines etc.

And so I pursued that career path. I finished school, enrolled in Information Technology at University, and spent 2 years studying for my chosen career. (Plus a lot of wasted time partying etc!)

The penny dropped

Something clicked in a conversation I had at the time that made me change my University course and ultimately my entire career path, and the person involved probably doesn’t even know the extent of how it changed the next ten years of my life.

“I think you’ve missed your calling”, she said to me.

That simple statement which was probably made half tongue-in-cheek got me thinking about what would make me happy. Had I missed my calling? I realised that despite the fact I enjoyed playing around with computers, I missed the interaction with other people. I thrive on contact with people, and was beginning to regret the possibility of being stuck in a cubicle tapping away on a keyboard for hours on end. While not all IT jobs fit this description, it did get me thinking about my career choice.

Another determining factor was that computer studies were sapping the fun out of things – anyone who has spent any time with COBOL will know what I’m talking about! The more I thought about it, the more I came to terms with keeping computer work as a hobby on the side, rather than a career. And so I made the decision to pursue a completely different line of work, and start university all over again!

credit: orangeacid

“I think you’ve missed your calling”

Lately I’ve been thinking about that statement as I’ve pursued different career paths in health care that have led me to where I am now. I’m pleased I changed direction all those years ago, and certainly don’t feel like I’ve missed my calling in particular, but my perceptions on career paths and happiness have changed. I’ve put “ladder climbing” and thoughts of where I could be ten years from now above enjoying the here and now at times. Lately I’ve been thinking more about what I can do next to keep me interested in work (and life!). This is something we can continue to ask ourselves:
What would I really enjoy doing if money wasn’t a determining factor?

I have a lot of new interests now that I didn’t have a decade ago, so lately I’ve dedicated a lot more time to my current pursuits (ironically, my interest in computers has kicked back in after discovering the world of blogging and online opportunities), I’m also challenged frequently by ways to better myself as a person.

Are you happy with where you are at?
Have you asked yourself the question lately? life is an amazing journey, and I for one don’t want to wake up one day and realise I’ve wasted twenty years! I discovered the following video courtesy of Hank Edberg at The Positivity Blog. It’s narrated by philosopher Alan Watts, and is a bit of an eye opener when it comes to career paths and what’s expected of us in life:

“It was a musical thing, and you were supposed to sing, or dance while the music was played”

(Note: If you can’t see the embedded video in your feed reader, click here)

Career paths vs happiness: are we chasing a mythical pile of gold at the end of a rainbow, or can they co-exist? Which road are you on?

Giving and receiving: a new approach

Ross — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 06:54:44 +0000

If it’s by some obscure sequence of clicks that you’ve landed on this post, welcome! You’re in for a treat: to be challenged on the way we think about giving and receiving.

credit: echoesofstars

If you’re anything like me, you’re probably interested in making your life count for something. We may have different agendas, but hopefully share some common goals. One of the things I’ve been thinking about lately is the delicate balance that exists between self and others; that is, weighing up how much time we devote to improving our own lives and how much we devote to helping other people.

It’s an interesting challenge! Personal growth, self-improvement, satisfaction – many of these concepts revolve around our selves. “How can I make more money? How can I be happier? How can I improve myself?” These are questions I’m sure most of us have asked ourselves at some stage. The interesting paradox is that part of the answer lies in doing just the opposite: thinking about others more, being selfless.

This week I’ve heard a message by a man named Jason Hamlin. By means of a massive undertaking of his, the Genesis Project, Jason helps provide food and essentials to large numbers of people who have been affected by poverty, hunger and lack.

When someone has devoted their life to Repairing People & Restoring Lives as Jason has, it makes me sit up and take notice. His enthusiasm and charisma alone are enough to be inspiring and challenging, but part of the content of what he spoke on raised some interesting thoughts that I’d like to discuss.

Giving and Receiving

Have a think about the context in which you last heard this statement:
“Give and you shall receive!” or, “Give and it shall be given unto you!” Was it for legitimate means, like encouraging you to be more giving and selfless, or was it by someone who was requesting money? Here’s something controversial: how many times have you heard that line delivered by preachers or late night tele-evangelists?

credit: Xave Ignacio

Giving and receiving is not a new concept. It can be found in scripture, and it’s also professed by millionaires that have no religious affiliation. Chinese philosophy talks of balancing of energies, of opposites complimenting each other. The concept of karma suggests what goes around comes around. Whichever way you look at it, there’s enough evidence across the void of cultures and beliefs to suggest that you are much more likely to have good favour in your life when you have a spirit of giving.

This concept often comes with qualifying factors, however. One of them is that the giving cannot be done solely for the purpose of getting something back.
“There’s my $10 to charity, now where’s my money!?”
You might call it energy, or joy, attitude, whatever – the point of giving to others is that it should be done in a positive and happy way, not in one where you are resenting the action, or expecting something back.

I was further introduced to some qualifying ideas on giving and receiving by Jason Hamlin. Jason suggests that the phrase regarding giving and receiving is often misused in modern culture by people who really are trying to satisfy their own agenda, and are wanting something back. He suggests that the concept is not just referring to money, as is often suggested, but some principles of life. When we think about giving and receiving in terms of giving of ourselves to others, we need to also address some other areas of our life: specifically, ensuring we are not being judgmental or condemning people, and maintaining an attitude of forgiveness (easier said than done!).

I love the idea of improving my own life where I am able to. The idea here is that when you address these areas of your life first, you are in a position where you have an attitude of giving. As a follow up bonus reward, this is when you start to see things coming back to you! I’ve experienced this first hand, and I believe it to be true. This doesn’t always have to be money, this can be any number of things: love, help, finances, friendship…

credit: eocs

“You reap what you sow…”

I’m the first person to admit that I judge people. It’s hard not to sometimes! I’ve often found myself muttering to other people about how someone did something I didn’t like. Then I have the audacity to mutter about people who are always complaining! These are areas I’m working on however – I’m slowly improving!

The Extended Version of Giving and Receiving

Here’s a model to think about:

Stop judging people based on their past – people can surprise you.
Don’t be so quick to condemn, to disapprove of people and make declarations about them.
Forgive people when they’ve done something wrong to you, or you feel you’ve been hardly done by for some reason.
Give of yourself in many areas of life – your money, your time, your gratitude and love.

The follow on is that when you practice these main areas, you find they will happen back to you. People will be less judgmental of you. People will be more forgiving. You will receive.

As usual, I’m interested to hear your thoughts and experiences!

The fragility of life: a wake up call

Ross — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 05:28:01 +0000

credit: Lambholic ▲

Sometimes it takes a wake up call for us to recognise what our real values are in life: how much we appreciate our loved ones, our families. The wake up call can come in many forms such as a near miss, a close call or minor accident that could have been fatal. A family member getting sick that makes you more appreciative of your own health. A partner threatening to walk out and leave if you don’t get your act together. Even seeing major events on TV like a building that collapses, an earthquake or fire: these things serve as reminders that we are not invulnerable, life can come and go in the blink of an eye.

I’ve been fortunate in my own life to not have a great deal of sickness or death in my extended family, but I do come across a lot of hurt, death and dying through my work. Here’s a situation from the other night that served as a wake up call for me:

A 16 year old girl was in a car crash at around 4 O’clock in the morning. She was brought into hospital with minor injuries, some neck and back pain, but nothing too major or life threatening. It turns out that she was the passenger in a car that had been driven a very short stretch up a suburban street by her friend, also a 16 year old girl that was unlicensed. The car hit a roundabout at speed and it appears that the car was thrown into the curb when the driver over-corrected, causing it to spin wildly.

credit: brighterworlds

So here is this girl, alone in the hospital while police are contacting the families involved. It made me think back to things that I had done when I was a teenager, and it made me think about my position now as a parent with a teenager. Decisions that we make always have consequences, but when you’re younger it’s hard to see that bigger picture sometimes. I’m not saying this excuses decisions made by teenagers, but our perspective and decision making is so much different as we get older.

I was reminded of some song lyrics from the greatest band ever, the Dave Matthews Band:

Everythings different
With my head in the clouds
I hit this corner
With my foot on the gas
I started sliding, I lose it
Everything’s different just like that

Oh my God, wait and see
What will soon become of me?
Frozen heart
Screaming wheels
Does that screaming come from me?

It’s amazing what a minute can do

- “So Damn Lucky” Dave Matthews Band

Maybe there was alcohol involved, I’m certain there was speeding involved: regardless, when you see things through a parent’s eyes it’s hard to feel anything but compassion for this girl. Unfortunately her friend, the 16 year old driver, was killed in the crash.

It’s amazing what a minute can do.

Why did this happen? It’s not fair is it, for the driver’s parents to have to come and identify the body of a child. Can you picture yourself in this situtation? And life is full of these situations and extremes: great pleasures and excitements, horrible tragedies and loss.

For myself, I believe that I am here for a reason, my life has a plan. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? But for today, I’m pleased to be here.

It would be great to live in a state where we never take things for granted, where we are always thankful for our lives, our health and our families, but the routines of life and day to day living seem to preoccupy our thoughts so often. It’s like every now and again we need reminders of our place in life, and just how fleeting life is.