If there’s one thing I’ve discovered this year, it’s that kids grow up really quickly!

credit: rula

I’ve got a teenager in the house now, and even with all the advice I’ve received on parenting, everyone’s experience is different.  To some degree, i think parenting always has an element of trial and error!  I was talking to a grandparent about this today, his reply: “it’s been like that since the dawn of time!”.

Kids are all different.  The way that we parent often has a lot to do with our own upbringing, our backgrounds and experiences, and our fears or hopes for our children.  Regardless of all these differences, kids universally need people who are good role models in their life - people they can look up to, and people they can really trust completely.

There are some things we can all do to help be a more positive influence on our kids.  Lets face it, kids will model much of our influence in their own lives!  I’ve talked about leading by example before, and it remains true - If we really want our kids to grow up into the kinds of people we want them to be, we need to make sure we are good role models for them!

Simple, everyday things we can do to be a positive influence:

1. Spending time. Kids love to spend time with their parents.  Also, did you hear me - kids love to spend time with their parents!! (in case you missed it the first time!).  Seriously though, sometimes we get so caught up in the ‘important things’ of life that we forget to take time out for our kids.  For instance, working late at night on the computer - why not take a half hour break and go and read a book to your child?  These are the things they will remember when they are older - or would you rather their childhood memory be you sitting at your office working all the time?

credit: tommysan62

2. Listen. It’s so important to really show your kids that you’re listening to them.  Instead of going about packing the shed, cleaning the garage, cooking dinner etc. while they talk - instead take 10 minutes to sit down at their level and let them talk to you if they have stuff they want to say.  Don’t keep interrupting with your own thoughts and ideas, listen to them.  Showing them you are a good listener is extremely important when it comes to trust and building a good relationship.

3. Reduce and/or stop swearing. I come across some big swearers in my line of work!  I work in emergency, so there’s always drunkards, druggies and losers of all kinds that come in and out..  I’m suggesting here that you may need to look at whether swearing is really necessary all the time.  Sometimes people are so used to swearing they forget that there are people who are offended by it!  Maybe you can think about the frequency of your own swearing - is it really so necessary?  One thing you should never, never do is directly swear in reference to your child.  I’ve seen this so often: it’s tacky, it’s tasteless, it makes you look like a loser parent and you’re setting your kids up to be just like you.  I’m talking about people who start conversations by pointing at their kids and saying something like, “this little $*^# has been up all night vomiting!”.  So what! You’re the parent! Help your child if they’re up all night vomiting. And clean up your sloppy mouth!

4. Lead by example. Your child will mirror you.  Do things to make them proud, and handle situations the way you would like them to when they’re bigger!  Speak to people with respect, try not to lose your temper, and be a positive influence on your child.

credit: v i p e z

5. Show them affection. This is so important.  Be someone who is encouraging!  Don’t nod at your child and expect them to know how you feel, tell them.  Give them a hug, tell them you love them, encourage them and reward them when they do well at something.  Kids are not as good as adults on picking up on non-verbal cues that might mean something-or-other, we need to be straight forward and direct with our praise and encouragement.

Don’t forget - this is only for a short time, your kids will be grown up and out of home before you know it, and you might miss your opportunity to be a great parent.  If there are qualities you want your kids to have when they are older, get stuck into putting them into practise in your own life!

Your influence can last a lifetime.