The last few years of my life have been very ‘interesting’ from a parenting point of view! I now have a teenager in the house, and have discovered that often the old tried and true parenting methods don’t always cut it.

credit: austinANOMIC

The ins and outs of daily parenting just seem to ‘happen’ - you respond to different situations as you see fit at the time. The transition from being a ‘parent’ to being a ‘great parent’ however, only occurs when you don’t respond to those situations purely on instinct. Being a great parent requires that you think and respond to situations involving your teenager with a bit more care and attention to detail.

Because every parent and every teenager is different, sometimes adopting a trial and error approach is the best way to find out what works for you and what doesn’t. Other times, I’ve found it’s good to be consistent with things. There are some things that shouldn’t change regardless of the situation, and these are the things that are important to be consistent with if you want to see your child do well in life. And so, without further ado I present to you:

Five of the greatest things I have discovered for parenting teens:

1. Communicate well. Talk with your teenager regularly and openly, and make sure you really listen to what they have to say. Reiterate back to them to show that you’re listening, and give them a chance to say what they have to say. Good communication really is a backbone for creating an ongoing great relationship with your teenager.

2. Drop the accusing tone from your voice. Sometimes it’s easy to slip into that loud accusing voice, you know, like “What is all that mess in the bathroom, I can’t BELIEVE YOU!”. Make a deliberate attempt to control your tone and volume, and speak to your child as if you were talking to your brother in law who just stayed at your house: “What happened in the bathroom there?”. Remember, they have you as a role model so set your own standards high.

credit: herwordskill

3. Have the tough talks with them. No one really enjoys having to go and start a conversation about drugs, alcohol or relationships with their teenager, but this is something you really need to do. Do you have values that you want your child to adopt? Think that your child hasn’t been exposed to bad things? Ha! You’re fooling yourself. Take the time to go and sit with your child and ask direct questions. Let them know what you expect of them and why, and get into a discussion about the benefits and negative aspects of important issues. Your child values your input.

4. Don’t sweat the small stuff. I’ve seen so many parents who say things like, “if only I hadn’t made such a big deal about manners at the table”. I’m not suggesting you drop your standards, but the old saying about spilt milk really holds true - I’ve actually seen parents lose their heads over a drink that’s been knocked over! Your kids are up and out of home before you know it, really - don’t sweat the small stuff so much.

5. Give them encouragement. Are you proud of their behaviour today? Go and tell them. Are they doing better in maths this term? Tell them! Teenagers require a lot of feedback and encouragement, and are not as intuitive as adults with reading between the lines. Build up your child’s self esteem, they will thank you with their behaviour for the rest of their lives.

Good luck on your quest to be a better parent, I know it’s not always easy! For more great info, check out Get Out of My Life, but first could you drive me & Cheryl to the mall?, or these other parenting resources. Have a comment to make about this post? Why not scroll down and let us know about it!